unseen, invisible and existing beyond doubt

the drawing

2011-04-23T03:18:00.003+05:30

I wonder...

What could be more full of charm than a brush and paper and paint!
That could lift your heart and make it soar with every movement
And still hold you trapped in a gaze that is so intense
You could hold it for eternity

It feels like all you were ever meant to do was to see it emerge
And yet not care for it after it is done…
For it is only in the doing that oblivion exists
Of everything else

Like a frenzy it will consume you
Blind you to food or drink or even urgent voices
Until you are done it will capture you in all entirety
Wrap you in bliss, it will…
The joy of drawing.

the walk

2011-04-07T02:20:00.000+05:30

Strong and silent, it walked ahead…
Sometimes waiting for her to catch up
At others speeding up
leaving her in panic
A constant desperation
To get to it

It was tall
So much taller than her
Quietly determined
Firm
Even so
She’d think it gentle and loving
And stumble to hold its brave hand
(Never reaching though)
So much greater than hers
And yearn to be blessed by its touch

But as it sped so fast and disappeared into the future
The dream died
Time lifted her tired self
And held her till she could walk again
Without hurrying
Without stumbling
Walking her own steps

And I don’t see how
But she caught up with it

And then such a terrible sadness came over her
For she had to walk past it
The dream was true,
But it wasn’t hers at all
It was she who sped now
Unable to wait

It
was meant to be left behind.

Dust

2010-11-20T01:13:00.000+05:30

They flew in that silent breeze…
Circling and spiraling,
They gathered close and scattered,
like dry leaves being hurried along by the restless wind…

Good and evil alike
(although without a judge, nobody knew which was which),

Creativity and rationality, tradition and science,
Honesty and untruths, love and the terrible hatred,
Sweetness, compassion found in a kind heart,
Envy and greed found in insecurity,
Selflessness, self love, selfishness…
Equality and dominance, sharing and withholding,
Fear and courage…

And the wind turned to a gale
A raging storm
And crushed them all
Till nothing but a fine dust remained of them…
All mixed up, all together.

And every time the wind blows in your face,
Each time you feel the air,
It carries the dust with it,
And you sense the ideas… all mixed up…

It is a struggle,
Lifelong, their pure form to see…

Let your fingertips separate
And your mind choose…

goodbye...

2010-09-17T18:24:00.000+05:30

The sky weeps… it weeps as I look at my homeland, knowing I will not see it again for a long long time. I am not sad, but there is a small lump in my throat, and a tiny prickling of the eyes…

I try to keep looking out. Take in as much of it as I can see… while visions of the homeland I have seen for so long stand clear in front of my eyes… visions my eyes aren’t practically seeing right now…

Now...
I see the huge aircrafts… and I see the slums… the slums I must come back to. I see my children… their sweet smiles that are unforgettable. I see ma and pa… so brave in their goodbye! I see, and I almost don’t, for some of it is just a memory I see…

I see my friends… holding on… their love so obvious… and I see those unseen things that pull me back… tie me to this land.
This is so not a goodbye!

(6th September 2010… sometime around 9.15 at night…)

The Thought

2010-08-12T23:34:00.000+05:30

A thought...
A deep rooted thought...

The sort that compels you to change, move
That prevents you from resting
That makes you walk when you’re tired
And holds you responsible…

The thought with roots.

Deeper and deeper the tiny roots go
They hold on to every particle, every cell they can reach
Clinging on,
Seemingly fragile
But strong in their collectiveness
Together

Shaking them off is not an option
Never was
Can never be

Because you know if they go
They will leave little spaces
Voids
And you know deep down,
(Just near where they are)
You just know…

Without them, you are incomplete.

It

2009-06-12T20:14:00.002+05:30

The first time I saw it, I wasn’t blinded.

Just fascinated. Very.

Such a pure thing… sparkling white.

A magnetic glow to that light.

It had no colour, no flicker.

It just shone. Constant.

I thought it was as pure as moonlight,

As blissful as sunlight…

And it was.

And as I gazed, it seemed to sense me,

And shine brighter.

As if I made its glow stronger.

Or so I thought.

So it shone and shone.

And then...

Then it was too bright for my innocent eyes.

I shielded them and it shut off…

And I could only feel its traces…

I saw it through tinted shades

Pieces of transparent colour

Always wondering why it wouldn’t shine for my eyes

And so I saw it the way I chose to

When I chose, it would dim, and let me see it.

But it is time.

And my eyes can see it again…

Without a shield.

And as I gaze… it is as pure as ever.

Bright white… devoid of colour.

Exactly how I first saw it.

And it is still magnetic.

Deep Beneath...

2009-03-25T23:07:00.003+05:30

Deep down inside,

Beneath layers of countless qualities

She lies quietly

Wrapped up in Slumber…

Her form is innocent, her being is naïve,

She connects to nothing and disturbs no one,

She is Peace and peacefully she lies.

You see her when she is invisible,

And you call out her name

In a moment

She has awoken her lively spirit…

She is the Light,

The burning and the vivacious,

The steady and the glowing,

Yet she is shy of glory…

She is the Mist,

And the Voice calling from the mist

She makes you shiver, but you love it

And you hear her clear

For she speaks no words...

She clings to you,

Close,

Like a child, as if she needs you,

Yet as you hear her heartbeat,

You know she makes you stronger…

Deep down inside,

Beneath layers of qualities

Timid, shy but honest

She speaks.

chocolate...

2009-01-07T21:44:00.000+05:30

I sat there looking out into the sea…
The waves breaking close to me…
Munching on a piece
Of the bar of chocolate I held in my hand…

And behind me she paused for just a moment,
And thrust a bunch of pink roses in my face,
I turned in time to see her deep dark eyes look at me…

Hoping I’d buy them…

She stood and I sat, but she was still just a foot taller…
A tiny, determined thing...

I don’t know how long it took
For me to look at her and her at me…
I don’t know when I decided or why

But I held out the chocolate
And she took it, a hint of a smile revealing itself on her face…
And walked off…

As if we existed just for that moment, when I hold out chocolate and a little girl with roses takes it and smiles!

green, tiny and scared

2008-11-06T22:00:00.001+05:30

As I held them today,
Green, tiny and scared
They looked up at me,
(One with his one eye)
They snuggled in my palm…
And their eyes said,
“We like it here, do not let us go”

I wanted to kiss them,
But I dared not
I could not tell them…
“I will take you away from here,
I will keep you safe,
I will love you the way you deserve!”
Though I did love them immensely…

In a world foreign to them,
I could not give them
a place they could call home
I could not take them back
from where their pain cannot be seen,
where their existence is just entertainment…

I could not take them away…

But I can give them a voice…
and the voice screams in agony
“do not tear us from our homes!”

and I plead,
for I have loved them.
I plead to you all to never,
never!
yearn to own
and confine a life
to perpetual homelessness!

Words

2008-11-05T01:38:00.000+05:30

The same words…
Few, true…
True?

I may have said them tens, hundreds, thousands of times…
As a secret,
In writing,
Coded and wrapped up,
Out loud,
To myself,
In reply,
Unspoken…..
From the bottom of my heart…

Knowing they’re full of meaning…
And what gave them the meaning?

For I realize
I can say them still… and they are empty…
I hear them still, and they are empty…
They sound the same, feel the same… but mean nothing…

And I search,
For what lies hidden,
Hesitant to reveal itself,
The force, the glow, the effort,
The truth…
Behind words…

the fool...

2008-10-25T23:43:00.001+05:30

sick of the lies

of stereotypes, who overhear from behind walls, and overhear only words of offence

of insults, the exchange of them, continuous,

of hypocrisy, lined with false confidence, glaring,

of distortion,

of instigating words, that flare up like petrol,

of hatred, hatred, hatred, pouring in from all sides,

of fear, insecurities, anxieties, and bold defenses born of out of them,

of desires, mechanical and violent,

of force, slaps, hits and blows…

of an insensitivity, aaah, the one that makes them laugh at cruelty…

malice that shows clearly on their face

indifference that shows clearly in their acts

hatred that shows clearly in everything I see

and it is you who is a fool if you speak out

it is you who is ‘soft’ if you cant bear the thought of torture

who bothers too much, thinks too much,

who can’t have ‘fun’,

forgive too easily, understand too fast,

too compassionate, too tolerant, too naïve to understand the world?

the boring fool who believes in ideals!

Transparent Spiral Staircase...

2008-08-13T17:30:00.002+05:30

It feels like moving on
An endless transparent spiral staircase…

Every step a pretty picture
That will change with every other step…
And keep you interested all the way up!

For it’s an endless staircase…

But I won’t tire,

For if I do, I look down
At all the steps I have come
Levels of transparent experiences
Tied in order

And they will make me smile
For each has a story

And I won’t stop climbing

For when I look up
I see the light through those transparent steps
Inspiring…

And something tells me it will never cease

Just like my transparent spiral staircase…

Not yet, anyway...

2008-07-06T18:42:00.002+05:30

Being bombarded, being attacked…
By things I touch
All the time

As simple as food or drink cans
(coated with bisphenol-A)…
or with a laptop on my lap,
breathing in polybrominated diphenyl ethers…
Or phthalates from anything made of vinyl
(even children’s toys)
Pesticides from food and clothes…

But they sound so dull
And I have no thought to spare for them…
Not yet anyway…

They’re toxins that live inside me…

But I see them not, and so they do not bother me…
Not yet anyway…

I know they can stunt my growth, my abilities…
Make me inactive, ill…
Even,
Affect the way I think…

But they just don’t seem that big a problem
Not yet, anyway…

Maybe on a day
Far, very far from today
I will look back at this moment
And regret my “not yet anyway…”

Dying Fast...

2008-07-02T20:48:00.000+05:30

We are dying…

But you are quiet,
actions don’t accompany you…
The ones that do, kill us more.

Please stop!

Hurt us not for our horns,
kill us not for our skin.
Because
we still want to be friends…

Look at us
and we will give you the joy you search for…
Caress us
and we will give you the love you need…
Let us, too, live the life
that you find so dear…

Do not take it away so...

Do not leave us scared, helpless and wounded…

Love us – this is a plea…
And we will return your love manifold…
Love us before its too late to save us,

Because we’re dying fast…

Reach...

2008-05-01T22:30:00.001+05:30

A vast expanse all around. Reach out and you might touch something. Something that might be touched by the action…

It is as if reaching out is all you need to do…

To as many as you can.

But they may not always let your fingertips find them. Blindly you try, and they may just retreat further into that blank expanse…

You can take that…

But the real frustration is when you cannot touch the ones closest to you.

And with that realization, dreams of reaching out to the entire expanse, threaten to vanish…

They exist there, wavering, waiting for a signal that you have given up…

But you mustn’t… ever…

Blessed

2008-04-04T19:49:00.005+05:30

I smiled as I saw how much it had tanned me…

I saw how the dust had reached me… reached my toes even through the shoes and socks… Did I think it would not touch me?

The dust raised by a million innocent footsteps? Who have a firm belief that makes them clamber up a mountain with the sun on their heads and crying children in tow…

Innocent and unaware…

And whatever little you do is like a splash of cold water over thirsting skin…

Even in all the heat and the clouds of red dust, with a multicoloured, confusing, confused crowd rushing past at every second… all the energy that you spend is somehow in some miraculous way transformed into something that is, almost magically, healing…

And it is days like this, when I’m spent and exhausted, that take me to that level of satisfaction that nothing else can bring…

And in helping something so beyond you… something so perfect in every sense,

There lies a feeling…Of not blessing, but being blessed!

Stuck

2008-04-04T19:49:00.004+05:30

Stuck fast like tiny bits of dirty coloured papers stuck on a strong cardboard with fevicol.
Scratch and try to unstick them and you create a mess.
No matter how you try you can’t get them off without tearing one of them.
In any case, its injury to either one.
They’re stuck fast.
At the back of your head.

the Weight...

2008-03-22T16:26:00.002+05:30

The weight of it.
The full, unobstructed weight of it.
Falling. Freely.
Upon you.

Not with a single point impact...
But slowly, with a silent force,
Crushing you. A steady pressure.
Pressing in harder and harder against all your might.
To the point that breathing is impossible.
No movement will stop it, none.
And you know what is to be done.
And as the full weight of it upon you becomes unbearable, they drop in silent triumph...
One by one, they claim victory.
And as your throat feels less constricted and painful,
The weight is gone, dissolved in every one of those countless tears...

the Close

2008-03-18T21:13:00.000+05:30

As slumber arrives it brings with it a sweet Dream.

The sort you’d want to dream about.

It builds and morphs, changes and stays firm,

And leads you on through its own unrealities…

And as it nears its close,

Dawn breaks outside…

And the Dream starts disappearing…

You try to tug at it, dream a bit more, but Dawn won’t wait…

And a brilliant moment arrives,

When you open your eyes,

And wake…

And look…

At a new day beginning,

To begin afresh

What was undone yesterday…

Masked

2008-03-18T21:07:00.001+05:30

An intense battle rages in there, enclosed…

Draped by a smiling mask… an unreliable thing that can betray you any moment…

A battle where logic and reason and emotion all fight… through the confusion, you try to take sides, and yet to not take sides…

But in the midst of your hesitation, the sides change, now emotion backs reason?

They move so quickly, change so fast, you don’t know who’s backing whom, fighting whom…

You don’t need a winner or a loser…

You don’t want to know who’s right…

All you want is peace.

Hidden

2008-03-18T21:06:00.000+05:30

and as you live one more second, you realise how essential it is to keep things quiet.

to understand that locks can lose keys and lose their only means of unlocking themselves... and trap treasures inside that can only be taken out with force.

to understand that some of these treasures 'want' to never be found.

to understand that roots don't want to be exposed to sunlight no matter how pretty it is.

to understand why secrets are made. and why most that are kept, are hidden in dark places.

Rolled up windows

2008-03-18T21:05:00.000+05:30

Rolled up windows, they are. Tinted dark to keep outsiders out. And the inside safe….. Solitary. And you keep them rolled up. Always. Rolling them down seems a non-existent possibility.

And yet one day, the sunshine is too bright, too beautiful, and with a stroke of brilliant realization, you roll those tinted panes of glass down with a smile that the sunshine is the first to see.

And as the sunshine exchanges smiles with you, you forget the tinted windows…. Now, more than ever, that seems a barrier.

But sunshine dims, as it sometimes must, and a certain coldness replaces it. As the cold bites, the memory of the tinted panes resurfaces…

Has it now become, a non-existent possibility?

Or does the idea of being locked away still pull at your imagination?

And mingled, with the choice of decision, is a pure wish that the sunshine may shine bright once more…